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sunbathing in your radience
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[Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 @ 8:49pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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Now, before you cave into your better judgement and write me off as a bipolar pyschopath, I would like to inform you that my stopper in the last entry, worked. I am ashamed that i stopped my writing for so long, but i was swept off my feet. About a week or so after i wrote that entry, i met someone, someone who i have given my whole heart to and haven't looked back since. Everything had been going so wrong for me then and somehow he found me and fixed me in a sense. I am a happier person every day and i know what kind of person i really want to be. So now, when i read all those quotes about wanting love or someone to fall into love with, i stop and realize that all of that, is right in front of my eyes.
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[Monday, December 1st, 2008 @ 10:28pm] |
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why do i have to be one of these people that can't survive unless she's miserably in love with someone who's unattainable? i never used to be like that...well, for the most part they were attainable, just slightly out of reach. now im bouncing around, talking to different guys, fooling different guys, but never claiming one for myself. i want to be happy with just being myself, with myself. how come this is impossible for me. you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy being with youself. maybe i need to put aside my feelings, my jealousy and my heart for just a little while. until my life is steady. new years resolutions here i come. unfortunately, with the friends i have, its going to be a lot harder than it sounds. but that is it, i'm putting up a blocker, right now. | i'm ready to start over.
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[Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 @ 11:03pm] |
i have to believe he'll come back just so i can keep on with this life.
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[Tuesday, November 25th, 2008 @ 10:57pm] |
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highschool, i wish i could express my feelings on this monitor, but i cannot. it would take too much of my time and i've already wasted enough. one thing is that it's helped me get over those two i've made this whole journal about, not purposally, but it is. however, one problem is always replaced with another. there's so many hearts out there to choose from, but it seems as if there's even less than before because the only one i've fallen for is the only one who's way out of my reach. if i could define my perfect man, he would be what i'd describe. tall, good family values, dresses well, goes to church, mature, smart, drives...i thought he may return the feelings, but, unfortunately it didn't work out that way. i now have to let go of my ideal soulmate...but i suppose if it's meant to be, he'll come back in the end.
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| change can bring forth clarity |
[Monday, June 16th, 2008 @ 10:02pm] |
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today closed a door for me and opened a thousand windows. i just realized, finally realized, that when i'm upset, depressed or mad, it's because im trying to change myself for someone else(and usually it's someone who doesn't give a shit.) when he loved me two years ago, i was so different. no confidence, nothing special (not like im something special now, but i do have confidence) i have changed so much. the thing is, i am happy with the person i am. he seemed to manipulate me to make me feel like no one would ever care for me as much as he did. but what i'm realizing is why waste my time being the person i was for one guy when i can be the person i am now for a million people who do love me for me? i'm ready to let go, i'm finally ready.
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[Saturday, June 14th, 2008 @ 10:36pm] |
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summer's here. did it help? not much. but i'm done worrying, i'm done waiting. i'm ready to live my life, and neither of them are gonna be in it.
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[Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 @ 7:39pm] |
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music |
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Keith Anderson |
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i hate him. i hate her. i hate this. this feeling of wanting someone so badly it makes your whole body ache. the problem is that i do have him, but not in the way i want. i want something more, something more than just the weekend hookup here and there. i'm worth more than that. so heres this gorgeous guy-sweet, loving, funny-who potentially wants to be with me again. but i just can't get my damn mind off the less atractive one who initiates. and of course theres one person who can't be happy unless everything is hers, even when she doesnt want any of it. i'm so sick of feeling this way and living this life i'm living. summer is so close. all i'm hoping is that it wipes all these old problems away and lets me start over again. but is that really possible? can you have a second chance?
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[Monday, February 25th, 2008 @ 9:17pm] |
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"confusion, when addressed, can bring forth clarity."
TWONK.
my life has been a whirlwind of emotions in these past few weeks of my absence from writing. theres ups and downs as always, but i have learned how to deal with it all one way or another. i wish i wrote in here regulary, because it always seems like in every entry im ethier going through a breakup or a hookup, and as it may be like that, it really isn't. my life is so normal, so far from normal, and just crazy from time to time. and as i can't always find the time to write when it's normal, abnormal things are more intresting anyway, right? so, since i've written i was a part of what i thought was a good relationship. wrong, yet again. all's well that ends well..i guess. we're still very close friends, thankfully, because he's one of the few i thought i had left. now, i started this journal to vent about the one boy i thought i'd love forever. turns out it is possible to get over someone, though i still never have completely.well guess who's decided to jump back into the picture? you guessed it, him. i know which one i should be with, but i'm not sure i want to be serious again. so now confusion has taken over me and i can't decide who to be with: the one who wants me on the weekends, or the one who wants me forever?
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[Friday, January 25th, 2008 @ 10:27pm] |
what do you do when someone you thought was your friend, betrays you in a way you never thought they would?
"i'm hurt, and i bruise so easily"
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[Thursday, January 17th, 2008 @ 8:56pm] |
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i can't stand it when my friends don't take my advice, my good, honest, true advice. i try, as hard as i can to make them understand that i've really "been there, done that", but they don't believe me. i'm telling her, you're gonna regret it, i've made that mistake, and i can't stand to to see you make it too! but does she listen? no, of course not. "you don't understand" well, that's what they all say. but really, i know i do.
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[Sunday, January 13th, 2008 @ 8:35pm] |
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when you love someone the way you loved her, or i loved him, you give them everything. and when i say everything, i mean everything. your heart, mind, body and soul. they take it too, and hold it close. but when they hurt you like she did, or the way he has, you don't just get it back. they still have it, and they'll continue to keep it. though, eventually those feelings for them will linger away. you won't care about them anymore. they won't be the last thing you think about at night or the first thing you remember when you finally decide to wake up. and one day you'll actually be with someone you have those feelings for again, like we are. but you can't give them everything this time, because you can't give what you don't have. so you try, as hard as you can to get it back. but deep down, no matter how bad they hurt you, that love is always gonna be there, and it's what is gonna keep you coming back and its gonna keep you from loving someone the same. you start to wonder if that love was a mistake, or if the mistake was giving it up. i guess all im trying to say is you gotta love what you got while you got it, becuase you never know when its gonna be gone.
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[Sunday, January 6th, 2008 @ 3:41pm] |
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music |
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clarity-john mayer |
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i was just thinking, what if we were to go back to 6th grade knowing what we know now? knowing who broke our hearts, who won't turn out to be a good friend, who turns out to always be there for you, who will influence you, who will leave you without ever looking back..i know that if i were to go back, well, it would be different i believe. i guess i'll never know.
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[Sunday, January 6th, 2008 @ 12:54am] |
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they weren't there |
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here's to the new year.
well, 2008. i'm sure it will be quite the year, 2007 really was. life really gets put into perspective around this time, with the resolutions and all. but for those of us who don't resolute, we think back, on the good times, and on the bad..my life had been a whirlwind that year. love, hatred, best friends, boyfriends, notebooks. i could go on, but the list would take more time to write than for me to reconcile with it. i've changed, we've all of course have changed somewhat, but, i really changed. a year ago i don't think i would even imagine doing some of the things i've done, or saying some of the things i've said. unfortunately, i lost some people along the way, as you know from previous entries. some important people, and some not so important. more or less, it's still unfortunate. hand in hand, i've gained some friendships also..and some more-than-friendships too. but when it comes to those, i've lost confidence. but i'll save that for another entry...
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[Monday, December 3rd, 2007 @ 8:26pm] |
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time flies too quickly for words, and more often then not, we don't stop to take a look around. the beginning of the week i was one person, at the end, my life seemed to have changed drastically. i didn't even see the change that was right in front of me,it was too quick. people all over the place are falling in and out of love. i myself seem to be in the better half of that deal, falling. but is falling for someone always a good thing? "love is a many splendid thing, love lifts us up where we belong, all you need is love" when you fall for someone and they don't fall back..what are you to do? move on, get over it, or keep on waiting until they finally decide they feel the same way towards you? sometimes all you wish for is perfection. perfect friends, perfect family, perfect guy. then comes the realization flooding in: nothing can be total perfection. it's a fact of life, and sometimes, you just have to live.
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[Sunday, November 25th, 2007 @ 6:53pm] |
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" You can't hold onto anybody. You can only love what you got while you've got it."
wow, this has been quite the two days. i say that so often, but right now: wow. let me start with a small question, can you tell when life is perfect? what do you classify as perfection? as of right now, i'm perfected. i've righted those wrongs, i've stopped breaking hearts, i've even started to put mine back together for real. possibly to give it to someone i really have feelings for now. sure, i dont know how long this will last, but i'm taking whats given to me, and im not holding anything back.
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[Friday, November 23rd, 2007 @ 9:27pm] |
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missy higgins |
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"what we have here is a dreamer: someone completely out of touch with reality."
it's been what feels like an eternity since ive taken the time to write..where its only been a few days. my life's taken a turn since that last entry. i'm still breaking hearts, well, a heart. it's hard for me to stay in relationships, and i just don't understand why. well, yes, i do. i'm not ready for another serious relationship. i don't want one. i'm in 8th grade, they're unecessary. what is truly unfortunate is that i've lost two friends because of a bad relationship. i lost the person who probably knows the most about me, and i regret it everyday. it was my fault..i chased him away. now he's changed, for the worse, and its partially,i feel, my fault. i wish every day things would of ended differently, and i wonder if i can change what has happened now. i'm just here to live.
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[Saturday, November 17th, 2007 @ 3:26pm] |
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mood |
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two days feels like two minutes. so much happened, so fast. too many things, good and bad. i lost a friend, a heart, and my head. frienship means so much to me these days because they're always there for me when i need them. well, most of them at least. one that i expected to really wasnt, maybe for the right reasons or maybe for the wrong ones. so be it, they weren't, and let go of them a little bit. a heart, i break them too often and put to much strain on my own. confusion, hurt, passion: all in one day. how do you know who to let in and who to let go? how do you know how to let them go? that brings me to my head, which hurts me more than ever and that aching never seems to go away.
"is time everything?"
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[Thursday, November 15th, 2007 @ 5:53pm] |
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music |
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please don't let it be |
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"tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"
-LORD ALFRED TENNYSON
i'm not too sure if i agree with this statement. sure, it is better to have loved than to never have, but to have loved and lost? that pain you have losing someone sure as hell never compares to never loving them in the first place. hurt, that's all it seems to come down to. you hurt from loving them too much, not getting loved enough, and seeing them walk away. what hurts the most though, is that one person you can never seem to let go. but eventually it 'll go away-and not just the hurt-everything. the feeling, the passion, the clarity, the love. everyone goes through it, some more than others, for when it comes to love you tend to not learn from the mistakes. when you love someone, nothing else matters-the hurt, the pain-it just goes away becuase all anyone ever wants to be is loved.
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| life |
[Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 @ 9:13pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
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journals, over-rated i suppose. wow, the last time i wrote in here sounded like a different person. well, i was. back in the day when all that mattered was ducks, friends and starbucks. fortunatly, friends and starbucks are still a pretty major part in my life. but i've let go of the ducks. end of an era if you ask me. codenames didn't end there though, just call me LC. yeah, that LC. i've grown up a little, gotten my heart broke-a couple times-learned to forgive and forget, and stay away from those who just continue to hurt me. my best friends have grown larger, shorter, and larger, in the amount. they have come to mean the world to me. i realized theres so much more to the life i'd been living. most importantly, i found myself.
"if you've got the fire, they can't douse the flame."
TWHONK.
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| QUIZZ! |
[Tuesday, June 6th, 2006 @ 9:43pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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samee...soupy george |
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1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?
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faithinator058's journal